BLOGMAS 12/19/2014: Christmas Jokes n' Quotes

Hi Guys!

Today I bring you a little list I compiled of some of my favorite Christmas jokes and quotes. (hence, the title, jokes n' quotes) I hope that some of these put a smile on your face and I hope that some of these help you to remember the true meaning of Christmas.

<3/ Audrey

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• Darren remembers accompanying his father out shopping in the toy department of Hamleys one Christmas Eve.
  Dad said, 'What a marvellous train set. I'll buy it.'
  The girl behind the counter looked pleased and murmured, 'Great, I'm sure your son will really love it.'
  Dad replied with a glint in his eye, 'Maybe you're right. In that case I'll take two.'

• The Santa Claus at the shopping mall was very surprised when a Emily, young lady aged about 20 years old walked up and sat on his lap.  Now, we all know that Santa doesn't usually take requests from adults, but she smiled very nicely at him, so he asked her, 'What do you want for Christmas?'
  'Something for my mother, please,' replied Emily sweetly.
  'Something for your mother? Well, that's very loving and thoughtful of you,' smiled Santa. 'What do would you like me to bring her?'
  Without turning a hair Emily answered quickly, 'A son-in-law.'

• It was just before Christmas and the magistrate was in a happy mood. He asked the prisoner who was in the dock, 'What are you charged with?' The prisoner replied, 'Doing my Christmas shopping too early.' 'That's no crime', said the magistrate. 'Just how early were you doing this shopping? 'Before the shop opened', answered the prisoner.
• “Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before! What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. What if Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more!” ― Dr. Seuss, How the Grinch Stole Christmas!
•     “And in despair I bowed my head; 
•     "There is no peace on earth," I said;
•     "For hate is strong,
       And mocks the song
       Of peace on earth, good-will to men!"
       Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:
       "God is not dead, nor doth he sleep!
      The Wrong shall fail,
      the Right prevail,
      With peace on earth, good-will to men!” 
  ― Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

• “One can never have enough socks," said Dumbledore. "Another Christmas has come and gone and I didn't get a single pair. People will insist on giving me books.”  J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
• “Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful. ” 
• “When we recall Christmas past, we usually find that the simplest things - not the great occasions - give off the greatest glow of happiness.” 
• “Christmas is a necessity. There has to be at least one day of the year to remind us that we're here for something else besides ourselves.” 
• “And how did little Tim behave?” asked Mrs Cratchit, when she had rallied Bob on his credulity and Bob had hugged his daughter to his heart’s content. “As good as gold,” said Bob, “and better. Somehow he gets thoughtful, sitting by himself so much, and thinks the strangest things you ever heard. He told me, coming home, that he hoped the people saw him in the church, because he was a cripple, and it might be pleasant to them to remember upon Christmas Day, who made lame beggars walk, and blind men see.” ― Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol